Becoming your Own Best Friend
When we truly love ourselves,
we allow our inner devotion to radiate unconditional love to everyone and everything.
Love is the thing that connects us to everything. It is the pure life force that sustains us. It has the power to liberate and lift us into our fullest potential. Feeling love and living in love is feeling and living Unity. Thus, love is the balm to our hearts when it comes to our inner relationship with ourselves.
Love is in our human nature; biofilia is ‘life’s love for itself’, an innate connection with all of life that can be cultivated or blocked through our choices and experiences. We all know what it is to love another, to see our own spirit in someone else, to open to huge levels of compassion, forgiveness and kindness for that person. Maybe we even feel that we love ourselves, most of the time. But often, we may hold on to many habits and tendencies within ourselves that we would never direct outwards at anyone we love.
To be fully in our Sovereignty, we must love ourselves. We must be our biggest advocate. We must be the ones to reach out a hand and pick ourselves off the floor when we have fallen. We must be the ones to stand in our own corner and lift ourselves up. The source of unconditional love when all else seems lost.
And as we become our own best friend, we open up to the magnificence of love all around us. The limitations that block us from experiencing more love for or from others typically arise from our relationship with ourselves. How can we fully embrace and love others if we cannot truly LOVE ourselves? When we fully love and accept ourselves, we radiate that love into the world to all beings. This is a change that comes from the inside out. When we love the essence of who we are, we find peace with what is and bask in the ‘being’, rather than the ‘doing’, which enables us to be a source of love for all around.
The way we treat ourselves is the ultimate reflection of how we see the world around us. Through judging ourselves, we end up playing out this judgement in the world, in our relationships with others, and in the way we treat our planet. When we negate our own needs and feelings, we easily negate those of others. When we ignore our own boundaries, we find it easier to ask others to go beyond theirs. When we speak negatively about ourself or hold shame around our inner workings, we project that outwards. The way we put ourselves down on a daily basis is destructive on many levels. Changing our perception of who we are, and taking steps to nourish our Spirit from the ground-up, we free ourselves up to experience more love… and more LIFE… in general.
Start from the beginning. Come back to that concept of Self Centering. Having a central focus on ourselves and working towards our equanimous nature allows us to build up strength within to serve the world more fully. Always remind yourself - it is when serving the whole you serve You. Nourishing ourselves means we have more energy and enthusiasm for others when they do need us.
Keep returning to this practice of coming back to your center and think of the ways that make you feel most connected to the core of your being. Once connected to your center, you will see magic occur as you live for your souls’ purpose. Rather than ignoring yourself with the idea that you can fix or heal others, be proactive and start by paying attention to You. From a centered and grounded place, you are then free to serve.
Set intention to be your own best friend. Explore how that might look, externally and internally. Release attachment to the outcome of what Self Love looks and feels like, and find presence in the process. Keep coming back to this seed of an intention and watch it grow and blossom into the love you are.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson
Tips for Being Your Own Best Friend
Choose Love - Choose Joy
There is always a choice
Can you choose a path of less resistance?
Can you choose to see the joy in this matter?
Get to know your patterns
This could include shame, perfectionism, comparison, body image, scarcity, negative self talk, etc.
What does it feel like
What are your typical reactions?
Build Connection
Connection helps to transcend separation or rejection
Ask for support
Open instead of closing and hiding
Connect with those who can receive you non-judgmentally, with love
Start seeing women as Sisters, rather than competition
Cultivate Compassion
Soften towards yourself
Find radical acceptance of What Is
Forgive yourself for your flaws
Would you talk like that to your own child?
Let yourself see the part of you that is doing your best
Humanize yourself - see the unity in what you are experiencing
Stay mindful - don’t make it bigger than it really is
Build your loving habits
Devote to yourself
Do things that make you feel good in the long term
Make choices that support you
Take the time to tend to yourself
Use gratitude
There is so much to be grateful for within you!
Let yourself see it
Use gratitude every day to highlight all the ways you’re growing
Use gratitude to combat the downward slope of the mind
Celebrate your successes!
Embrace imperfection
How can you turn your imperfections into power?
What would it look like to Love yourself NOW, just as you are?
Being whole means making friends with all parts of yourself
First acceptance, then compassion, then love
Bring in sweetness towards your imperfections
For example, you don’t need to forgive your child/spouse/dog for their flaws, even if they are inconvenient for you
Offer yourself this same unconditionality
Always do your best
Then there is nothing to regret or beat yourself up about
Your best looks different every day
Your best is not the same thing as your expectation of your best
Do your best and allow that to be enough
Make time for self love
Make dates with yourself to do things that bring you joy
Buy yourself the odd gift or bunch of flowers, just because
Take time to self care
For example, taking a ‘therapy shower’ once a week, painting your nails or treating your skin with coconut oil
Build a daily set of rituals that make you feel good and self-supported
Explore self touch and self pleasure
Forgive yourself, and everyone else
Holding on to resentment means carrying enormous extra energetic weight
Give yourself the freedom of forgiveness
Use compassion to connect and soften
Use acceptance to find peace
Trust that everyone, yourself included, acted and continue to act according to the information, situation, wisdom and emotional state present at the time
This is not a constant
Know that everyone, yourself included, changes
Leave room for the new
Honor yourself as a person, even if you are imperfect
Draw on empathy
Allow yourself to live in their story for a while
Acknowledge their imperfections and pain
Allow yourself to see the cause of the hurt in them
Find meaning in your suffering
See the part of you that has grown through this experience
Shift the energy from ‘this happened to me’ to ‘I grew in this way from this experience’
Allow yourself to receive the lesson, no matter how painful it might be
Claim the treasure in your story
JIYA JULIA
Jiya works in the field of self-empowerment, particularly through creative expression, helping people to identify their challenges and fulfill their full potential. A founder of international organization Kula Collective, Jiya offers her retreats around the world.
